I’ve mentioned the necessity to do the check dance before in a previous post on the first date dos and don’ts for women. Anyway, i’ve been asked repeatedly how the check dance is done and while i promise to produce a video version soon once my throat heals, here’s a written explanation of how the check dance should be done, BY WOMEN -huge grin.

First off, get on all fours on the table

Step 1) When the check comes, all guys have been drilled in a top secret lesson conducted in high school to immediately receive the check without hesitation, never once establishing eye contact with the women until the bill is paid.

Step 2) The woman must then interject here at the exact point when the guy is flipping through his wallet for his credit card/money/pieces of gold (if he insists to pay by those). A weak extension of the arm and a half hearted display of resistance should be done, accompanied by the phrase, “Oh, it’s okay let me pay for my meal.” And at this point, reach slowly into her bag to fish out her purse.

Step 3) If the guy has been properly drilled in the top secret lesson, he would automatically reply something along the lines of, “No it’s alright, i’ve got this.” before finishing up the payment.

Step 4) When the check is paid, the woman must then produce a GENUINE smile and nod of appreciation while the action is returned by the man, who would find it harder to produce a genuine smile depending on the circumstance of the date he is on.

Possible Bad Scenarios

These are possible bad scenarios that have occurred in the past and thus recorded in history as valuable lessons.

Scenario 1 : The guy doesn’t pick up the check.

Solution : Very rare case indeed, however, in this situation, you are actually allowed and protected by law to run your pointed heel into the guy’s foot and smile. He will get the hint.

Scenario 2 : The guy only pays for his share.

Solution : Not risking your own pride, do pay for your share first. After which depending on your location, you’re again allowed and protected by law to nudge him into an oncoming truck or to lock him out of his car and drive off.

Scenario 3 : The guy does everything right, but asks if you’re going to pay up for your share after the check is settled.

Solution : Direct him to this website’s article. -grins.

Rehearse, Rehearse, Rehearse

On a final note, it’s crucial that you rehearse the check dance technique to perfection as a slight slip up could result in either the guy being ran over by a truck, or you being mauled to death by alley cats.

Cheers and all the best to your future check dances! My apologies for not being able to produce a video yet as i’m actually suffering from a case of Mononucleosis, a.k.a the kissing disease. Hilarious name eh?

Yours sincerely,
Desmond L.